Monday, June 15, 2009

Homemaking

Today I filled out a form that asked my occupation. Without a pause, I put down “homemaker” as that is my role during this period of unemployment. I am also care taking my 82 year old mother. If I was living with a roommate that I wasn’t responsible for, I probably would not identify myself as a homemaker. But I am in charge of the running of our house.
Through the years I have wished that I could be a homemaker. Usually this would be with the idea that I had a family of spouse and/or children but my life hadn’t gone in that direction and I put the thought away as I entered middle age. Now I am identifying much more closely with my friends that stay at home with their young children. I long for the conversation that is academic, if only marginally. Listening to NPR when I awaken is the most intellectually complex part of the day.
Travel? Tell me where you’re going, where you’ve just come from. I will take it all in and be happy for you. I dream about the day when I go on a walking trip across Spain. I know I won’t go for the 5 week trip when my mom is alive so I think about it in the far future.
The home front has it’s charms but I have come to rely on an e-mail from the Splendid Table to inspire me beyond the repetitive dinner menus I tend to prepare. Yes, I look forward to spam. And I look forward to my niece Rita coming over as she very happily takes dinner duty. Including the dishwashing. Thank God!
I’ve come to realize that I don’t really want to be a homemaker. I want to be a home manager that would include having someone fix dinner every few nights, someone pull weeds in the garden, someone do the laundry. I want to have it done but not necessarily by me. So it goes.